Thursday, June 08, 2006

Too Tired. Barely Alive. Can't Post. Must Write Something.

So much too tiredness is happening and therefore rendering me postless with headache. I have fallen into giving a fuck what people think again. Argh. I thought I already talked to myself about that here. Fuck the fuck out of giving a fuck what others think. Grrr. I rebel! I reclaim! I rant! I revolt! There is so much pain that my face hurts. Little girls have hard times, but I still wouldn't have suspected as a little girl, that when I grew up my face would hurt. Anyway, things have been so fucking shitty. And yet, because of relativity, they have been amazingly splendid. Well, I would suppose that's possible by some standard somewhere. Perspective is too fucking tricky that way. And this is perhaps one of my top 35 greatest challenges; determining reality. What is objectively true in this chapter of my life? Is life truly sucking? Or is my attitude simply sucking? How would one quantify that? I could take a poll, but as The Flaming Lips say, "...a million people can be wrong". I think physical pain is real enough. That can constitute some suckatude. But still some pain is much worse than other pain. It's kind of sad that it sometimes has to come to physical pain before people feel or express compassion for themselves or others. Like grieving doesn't invoke empathy until you're puking, or you aren't really frightened until you have an ulcer. Maybe if there was more compassion, for selves and others, it wouldn't have to come to cancer before the world would stop and say, I see you, and I care about what you are experiencing.

1 comment:

Jen said...

Oh Man, your face hurts? That's awful. I hope you got some sleep and feel better.
Yeah, caring about what other people think is a tough one. I still can't do it.
I love you, chica.