Sunday, November 05, 2006


I have a headache. I have TMJ and tongue thrust. It's been gray and rainy. I am likely living with the consequences of chocolate and beer. I have allergies. I have a virus. I feel totally disconnected from my family. Two of my parents bicker and it's depressing. My mom has mental illness and has always had financial problems. My dad is stubborn. I have to hurry and get a passport. My name is "baby girl" and that presents a problem. My friends are pretty much always dealing with their own hardships. I don't have companionship most of the time. My stereo is broken. I need to do laundry but can't seem to. I need more socks and underwear. I can't find the make-up I bought to replace the make-up that was stolen from my car after the window was smashed out. My car is leaking. I had a terribly uncomfortable conversation with the guy that slowly and steadily has been breaking my heart for over four months. I am probably ovulating. It's my only day off and there's too much pressure to spend it doing important things. I work at 7:30 in the morning at my minimum wage job where I make VERY few tips for lots of work and plenty of crustomer shittiness. I can't look decent at work, because everything gets ruined. Most of my clothes don't fit me anyway. I have WAY too much school reading to do. It's too hard to be happy, it takes too much work. Like reiki, yoga, meditation, pure diet, vitamins, positive thinking, exercise, honesty but not complete honesty, and avoiding substances. SO much fear, pressure, physical pain, disappointment, confusion, emptiness, etc. And then I go directly to feeling defensive, because I have shame for being bummed.

No comments: