Sunday, July 30, 2006


Yeah. So I don't really have any solidified thoughts. And so that is why I don't type shit on my blog. But whatever. "Why should I? Solidify, and make me real, so you can see me?" (~Sheryl Crow) Lots going on in my head, cuz that's how I live, yo. Thinkin'. And it don't stop. There seems to be a list of things that grows exponentially, it buds and multiplies itself. One errand leads to another. Projects blend, conversations lead to more conversations. My ass itches. What was an excruciating sunburn has "progressed" into antagonizing torment. Whatever, it's fucking always something. This summer alone was the foot injury, the stomach flu, and 3 sunburns. Don't give me that, "Why don't you put on sunscreen?" lip either. That's not up for discussion. I will be discussing how slow I am to technological advancements and procuring them in my life. I put in an order for caller ID this week. See? And I STILL don't have a cell phone, but need one every...OH, HOUR ON THE HOUR!! So...the rules and regulations of life are really hindering me.

Do: exercise, drink water, meditate, smile, tip well.

Don't: drink alcohol or caffeine, watch t.v., bask in the sun, or demand things of males, even if they are reasonable things that they would enjoy, and they often claim to want themselves.

It's all too much. The pay off isn't even walking on water. For me it's like, not wanting to kill yerself and shit. I mean that's kind of a mellow dramatic exaduration, but not really. If I play by most of the social rules I have some how acquired along life's breezey, zippidy do dah way, then I get what? The man? The glizt and glam? The nice T and A? Approval? Realistically I get some moments that aren't saturated with shame. And that's about it. I am not even guaranteed to live longer or laugh more. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm done.


Jen said...

I think what I want is just some peace. Not glitz and glam. Not a perfect life. Just a little inner tranquility so I don't tell myself I'm a piece of shit anymore. The nice thing is, I see glimpses of this. Not every day and not for long periods, but I do see it.
Hope you find something simuliar.
Why didn't you put sunscreen on your ass? LOL.

Carrie said...

Yeah, it's a lot of work stabilizing my mind enough to eliminate paranoia.

Oh, um, you're funny Jenn. Moreover, why didn't YOU put sunscreen on my ass? Heh.