Friday, August 18, 2006

I don't know if anyone is still out there, but I guess it's pretty much inconsequential. Things have been steadily improving. Financially, internally, with work, with Him ("Him" being the sexy man, not the large, proverbial "Him" in the sky, though that relationship is likely improving as well). I am taking to calling him The Miracle, instead of The Mirage. As he still calls and comes by after all my awkward neediness. It's progress. I'm sure it would be super cool to write about something other than me, my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences, my opinions, my perspective, my obsessions, my interests, my loved ones, etc. But I don't really see that happening any time soon. Maybe that is something I could challenge myself with? Step away from the Carrie. Most topics seem trite/cliche'/discussed already, so why not just super indulge in self? Good rationale? In some pathetic moment of desperation, (that's my excuse for being lame, what's yours?) I signed up for dating related internet "advice". Mostly it just served to utterly confuse and shame me. Well, still does. It's all set up as though I'm the J Lo character in a high budget movie who has access to 7 single men with different Ken doll personas, and I need to be selective about which plastic mound I mount. Not taking into consideration the nuances of my unique personality and desires. Nor the reality of the affect that moods, past hurts, addictions, mental illness, physical disease, finacial hardships, personality disorders, familial strife, and not being J Lo have on my 3 dimensional relationships. Still I can appreciate what they're trying to do. Capitalize on women's insecurities. It's a noble pursuit that is guaranteed fiscal gain, so if nothing else I honor their shrewd business skills. If I can keep from purchasing an ebook and just stick to the self flagellating free emails, then I win.

1 comment:

Jen said...

You Win!!!!!!!! Hang in there. Of course, it's September now, so it's probably all different.
Love you!!!!