Sunday, May 07, 2006
This Isn't Fair To You
I need to be more present for you, more committed. I am having intimacy issues, pulling you in and pushing you away. Lots has been going on. Lots of nothing, but plenty of thoughts. That is maybe part of the problem. How do I decide what to spew and what to swallow? (Um, yeah, that was rhetorical, no need to, like, email me with an answer or anything.)
Mira and I went to a pot luck for Cinco de Mayo, that our professor invited us to. The cool one, not the penis face. He kept sending people over to stealthily try and convert us to being geography majors. How sweet. Manipulation and control have never seemed so wonderfully endearing. I had to take the guitar from around the fire pit, and show the hippy boys how it's done.
Come to find out, my pretty faced wonder is a bit of insane, which makes my insane flair up, and then there is just all this radically free insanity unharnessed and causing palpitations. And hang overs. I was feeling aggravatingly lonely earlier, but I have a new friend now. She and I walked at the bird sanctuary and made a lovely dinner of egg plant parm AND lasagna. Top that.